Wellness Wednesday - Meeting all your needs

Have you ever heard someone say that they will be happy when ..................? They will be happy when they win lots of money or be happy when they find true love or happy when all their ducks line up and the stars align.

Have you ever felt that you could be happy if only one or two stars aligned or if you got what ever it is that you currently desire? I know that I have.

What can we do that can help us to feel happy now, this week? There is an answer and it doesn't involve anyone giving you anything. It doesn't involve money or ducks that line up. It does involve YOU.

Have you ever noticed how young children can be so happy in the moment? When was the last time that you played like a child, enjoyed a moment as excitedly as a child? When did you last jump in a puddle?

Young children instinctively know how to live in the moment because they don't know anything else, yet. And there is a way that we can enjoy each area of our lives here and now. It can be achieved by meeting each of our 6 Core Needs.

Every human has the same 6 Core Needs that must be met, in the same way that we must breath oxygen and keep hydrated. These 6 Core Needs are:

• Certainty
• Variety
• Significance
• Love/connection 

These first four needs are physical needs and we will always meet these needs. When we walk into a room we don't make sure that it has oxygen, and having found out that it does have oxygen, we don't then decide that we will breath it in. When we walk into a room we automatically breath in and out. If there wasn't sufficient oxygen we would do what ever we could to get sufficient. It is part of our survival mechanism.

When we get up we don't consciously decide that today we will meet our core needs. We automatically meet them and this will be in one of two ways; resourcefully or unsresourcefully. We know that we are meeting our needs unresourcefully because whilst this way is obtainable it is not sustainable. When we meet our needs resourcefully it is both obtainable and sustainable. For example we could meet our need for significance through drama. We create drama around something that is going on in our lives and we tell everyone so that they will agree with us, support us and make us the centre of their attention. This meets a need for significance unresourcefully. It is obtainable but not sustainable because even if we keep the drama going, eventually everyone else will become bored with it. Or we could meet our need for significance through being an expert in our own field, or by volunteering. These ways are both obtainable and sustainable.

To meet the last two core needs we need to meet the first four resourcefully. The last two core needs are the needs of the spirit:

• contribution
• growth

Think of something that you love doing and then work out how it meets each of your core needs at a high level. For example if you love to play the piano it meets your need for certainty because this is something that you can do and you know that it brings you joy and you probably have access to a piano any time you want to play. It meets your need for variety because you can play different types of music. It meets your need for significance because you can play for other people which brings them joy, and it meets your need for connection through the music itself and when you talk to other people who also play the piano and/or love to talk about music. It meets your need for contribution because you are bringing joy to those around you and you may also play for specific groups such as the local church, the local scouts or a local school. And finally it meets your need for growth because you can continue to learn more skills and how to play different kinds of music and increase your knowledge.

Over the next few weeks will explore these core needs and how to meet them and how we make our decisions based on our core needs.

Enjoy working out what you really enjoy doing and how this is because it meets all your core needs and conversely what you don't enjoy doing and how you could tweak things to work towards meeting your core needs in these activities.

warmest wishes
Sarah