When we are little we have an immense need for certainty. We need to know that we are going to be loved, cared for, feed, clothed and have all our needs looked after. Watch a small child playing with other children and you will notice them take frequently glances at their carer to make sure that they are still there. They will probably also run back to them between playing for an extra bit of comfort and security.
Small children prefer routine and absolute certainty in their lives. As we get older we enjoy some variety and the amount we enjoy changes as we enter our teenage years and also on each individual. Some people love lots of variety whilst others prefer lots of certainty. We are born with a preference for either more certainty or more variety and this can be seen in quite young children.
As I explained last week we can meet our need for certainty either resourcefully or unresourcefully. We will always meet it but is the way that each of us is currently meeting is obtainable and sustainable, which means that we are meeting it resourcefully. When we meet our needs resourcefully our actions are good for us, good for others and good for the community. Sometimes it doesn't feel good for us because the way we are meeting a need is outside our comfort zone because we are stretching ourselves so that we can continue to grow. We don't usually do this to meet our need for certainty, which is all about comfort.
If we meet our need for certainty to such an extent that our need for variety is struggling to be met at all, then our comfort zone will shrink and we will start to experience boredom, lethargy and for some people it will lead to depression. Have you ever had a job that was like that or know someone who is in a job like that? Do you ever find yourself bored when you are at home watching television every evening? We need some variety even when certainty is more important to us than variety.
If we meet our need for certainty by controlling other people, watching hours of television instead of doing a variety of activities, using food for comfort or procrastinate we are being unresourceful. Just so we are very clear about this, we are all unresourceful some of the time.Who among us has never procrastinated? But if we do these things for any period of time and/or on a regular basis then we are preventing ourselves from being happy and fulfilled.
Resourceful ways to meet our need for certainty include backing ourselves in order to reach our goals and having routines that support and nurture us and provide foundation. If you have a routine that involves having fun, exercising or creating something then you are meeting your need for certainty resourcefully.
Sometimes life throws us a curve ball and we experience great uncertainty. To redress the balance finding activities that fulfil our need for certainty can help us to feel more calm and to cope better with the issue. Ways to experience more certainty at such times include household chores, rearranging drawers and cupboards, gardening, going for a walk somewhere familiar and reading a favourite book.
Enjoy your moments of certainty every day
warmest wishes
Sarah
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